I should be sponsored by Trojan
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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