god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
