yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
