wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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