I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
