It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
