I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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