She's JV to your varsity
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
