My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
You've changed since you got that strap on
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
