mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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