i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
