in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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