You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
