I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
