His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
