WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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