naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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