The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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