did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize