Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
