then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
