That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
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