remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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