Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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