Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
