Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
