Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
