I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
