Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
