Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
