Whatcha textin bout Willis?
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
