there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Randomize
