Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
