I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Randomize
