This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
