You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
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