and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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