I puked a lego.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
