The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I think a kid would responsible me up
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
