I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize