My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
