happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
