i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
