i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
you didnt know i had herpes?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
