Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
