yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
