HIV tests are more positive than that guy
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Brb crying the tears of my youth
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
