#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
