She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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