I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
