Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
