but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
