dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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