In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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