dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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