What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
