we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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