i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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