Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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