Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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