haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
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