the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
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