just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
