Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
