we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize