so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Randomize
