Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
