It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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