community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
