turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
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