Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
