Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
