i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
