I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
